A Message in a Bottle

To whom it may concern,

I have had much time to reflect on the circumstances that brought me to writing this letter, but I find myself still too ashamed to put them to paper. It has been a week since the ship I chartered was overturned by a perilous storm at sea. When I next opened my eyes, I found myself on the white sands of this Maji-forsaken island. Alone. Every other attempt I have made to capture the attention of a rescue has failed, and thus I turn in desperation to this single sheet of paper that was kept miraculously dry in the safety of my breast pocket. If you are reading this, send help. To be clear, I mean let some authority know where I am. That is to say, somewhere in the Bahari Sea. Just send boats and look for the island with "HELP" spelled on the shore with rocks.

This is NOT a request for your bank account details. I am actually stranded. I repeat, THIS IS NOT A SCAM.

I have not been able to brush my teeth in over a week, and I fear what my dentist will say when I return home. Dying would also be an inconvenience. Sincerely, Eshelon Bahari

(There appear to be multiple drafts of the letter written on the back and then scratched out.)

Dearest kind benefactor, This is Lord Bahari of Bahari City, and I humbly request your assistance in this matter. - Does this sound too much like a scam? TO: ANYONE FROM: HUNGRY SUBJECT: I've run out of coconut-based recipes. Kenyatta- Don't laugh but I need your help. Do NOT tell my mother or your mother.